Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Crown Jewels Part III: A Slippery Encounter

Belle End and Tess Tease have got their hands on the Crown Jewels - with Bash Helmet and Flick Faster in hot pursuit ...

Flick Faster @BashHelmet What an excellent Pride this year! I had great fun.





Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Even if you did get wet a couple of times!

Flick Faster I couldn't help it – did you SEE some of those hot gals there?!

Bash Helmet But no sign of Belle End or Tess Tease!

Flick Faster No – so there's only one other place they would have gone ...

Bash Helmet To the best fence in all of England - The Handler!

Flick Faster Turn up at his place with loaded sacks and he'll handle the goods!


Later ...


Bash Helmet Right – this is where The Handler hangs out. Let's go inside.

Flick Faster Bash, the knob...it's all greasy.

Bash Helmet Sorry, but we did just come from Brighton Pride – oh, you mean the door.

Flick Faster The Handler's entrance is covered in some sort of lubricant.

Bash Helmet I'm going in!

Flick Faster This whole room is plastered in slippery gunk.

Bash Helmet There's only one person I know who leaves this kind of deposit...FLICK, LOOK OUT!

Flick Faster A man barged past me and I slipped on the floor.

Bash Helmet You OK?

Flick Faster Yes. I ended up in the splits - first time a guy ever got THESE legs to spread!

Bash Helmet As I suspected, it was Brandon Marlo, aka Butterfingers. We last tangled in Paris!




Flick Faster He's going down the fire escape.

Bash Helmet I've got just the thing to stop him down my shorts ...

Flick Faster What are you pulling out from there? Oh, a banana.

Bash Helmet Let me just pull back the skin ... there. Now, I'd better peel the banana.

Flick Faster Quick, Bash! Butterfingers has reached the pavement. He's running away!

Bash Helmet Not for long. I just need to throw ... NOW!

Flick Faster Wow – you are a magnificent tosser! That banana skin has landed right in front of Butterfingers.

Bash Helmet As I planned, he slid on the peel and fell to the ground!

Flick Faster Hah! His hands are so slippery, he can't pull himself up! Good thinking, Bash!

...


Flick Faster @BashHelmet Butterfingers took quite a tumble there, Bash. His ankles were up over his ears!

Bash Helmet Ahhhh, Paris...

Flick Faster Nice interrogation technique. He was desperate not to tell you the reason he was here!

Bash Helmet I just got in his face and kept pushing until he spat it out.

Flick Faster Butterfingers said he heard about Belle and Tess' little caper and decided to chase after the Crown Jewels himself!

Bash Helmet Like us, he figured the girls would leave the goods with the Handler. But they hadn't!

Flick Faster No. It seems Butterfingers forced him to open his safe but there was only a forged painting inside.

Bash Helmet Some Old Master that he'd just touched up, no doubt.

Flick Faster So where's The Handler now?

Bash Helmet He managed to give Butterfingers the slip.

Flick Faster (Sigh) Then we've hit a dead end!

Bash Helmet Not quite. There's one man who has eyes and ears all over London. If he's heard there's an interesting package in town, he'll look into it!

Flick Faster You can't mean ... that Victorian villain ... that Dickensian devil ...

Bash Helmet Yes – Bedageezer Scrooge! Let's go!

The Crown Jewels Part II: Boob Job

Previously, Flick Faster learned that Belle End wanted to pull off something big - the Crown Jewels, no less! - and hightailed it to England, along with Bash Helmet, in hot pursuit of Belle End and her sidekick, Tess Tease ...

Flick Faster @BashHelmet FINALLY – we're at the Tower of London!

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster I'm sorry – but I've always wanted to watch the changing of the guard!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet It's just called Changing the Guard!

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Not from where I was standing – I had a good view into their cloakroom!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet Did you find it a rousing ceremony?

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Oh, you bet!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet (Sigh) Quiet, Bash – there are some Beefeaters coming!

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Beef eaters?! This day just gets better!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet Wait – they're running!! Quick, let's follow them!

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Oh no! We're too late – the Crown Jewels are gone!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet But how? They're surrounded by iron bars!

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Look – the bars have been prised apart. There are two huge rounded imprints.

Flick Faster @BashHelmet Tess Tease must have pushed them apart with her breasts.

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster So, it was a boob job!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet We'd better get after Belle and Tess! And circulate this picture!


Bash Helmet @FlickFaster How do you know where they've gone?

Flick Faster @BashHelmet Bash, they're two outrageously dressed lesbians wearing the Crown Jewels ...

Flick Faster @BashHelmet ... the only place they're going is Brighton Pride!

Bash Helmet @FlickFaster Ah yes, of course, Brighton Pride. Where everyone is Queen for a day!

Flick Faster @BashHelmet Let's go!