The Crown Jewels Part V: A Chromosexual and a Pearl Necklace

And now ... the conclusion.


BashHelmet @FlickFaster Right! Let's burst in...NOW!





FlickFaster @BashHelmet It's Belle End and Tess Tease!











... and The Handler! You didn't sniff HIM out, Flick.

Sorry Bash. I've only got a nose for ho's! Guys just don't register!


IsaBelleEnd @FlickFaster Well, well, well – Flick Faster! About time your skinny ass showed up! We've been waitin' in this poop hole for you, girl!



Waiting to unleash some dastardly death trap on me, no doubt.

Hell, no! Tess and me need you and the Chromosexual over there to get us back to the USA!

Chromosexual ?!?!?

You girls just STOLE THE CROWN JEWELS! The only place you're going is prison.

TessTease We haven't stolen any jewels, sugar!

Tess, you're wearing them – tiaras, crowns, brooches and a glistening pearl necklace!

They ain't real, Helmet! They're all fake!

WHAT?! Hmmm. Okay, on closer inspection I agree - they're not real. So where'd you stash the genuine items?

Oh PLEASE! We don't do counterfeiting. We only do snatches.

I can vouch for that!

Don't you geddit? These ARE the Crown Jewels we took from the Tower. The royals don't put out the good stuff.

You're saying that Britain's monarchy displays FAKE jewellery? Why? And what's that got to do with you hiding in the sewers?

They're after us!

You mean all the other supervillains in London? We know – we bumped into Butterfingers!

Nah, not them. It's the Royal Family we're worried about! They know WE know the truth ...

And they have people out to silence us!

Oh come on! That's a bit far-fetched!

Oh yeah? Tell that to Laydee Diana, Tin-head! If it weren't for Bedageezer lettin' us hole up here, we'd be pushin' up daisies right now!

Ah – I remember pushing up a Daisy once. She ...

Ahem. If this is true, what have the Royals done with the genuine jewels?

Bedageezer told us that it's one of the princes who's responsible! He likes to put on the Queen's dresses and the REAL jewels and parade around Buckingham Palace.

You're joking! Who does he think he is - Queen Victor/Victoria?

Actually, now this story is beginning to sound a little more believable.

So which prince is it?

Isn't it obvious? It's Prince ...

Hey! Time for shit-chat on the plane! LET'S GO!! I'm sick of the stench of these tunnels!

First, we'll return this fake jewellery to the Tower and then you can hitch a ride with us back to the States.

Hey, Flick. If you ever get tired of hanging out with tall, dark and blandsome, look us up, ok?

Thanks for the offer, Tess, but I've seen too many of my superhero friends enter the dark side. It's not pretty!

You're right there. Even those who have managed to pull themselves out usually find that something nasty sticks with them.

Why don't you girls switch sides? Try life on the straight and narrow.

Hell NO! I ain't ever goin' straight!

And on that, we all agree!

The Crown Jewels Part III: A Slippery Encounter

Belle End and Tess Tease have got their hands on the Crown Jewels - with Bash Helmet and Flick Faster in hot pursuit ...

@BashHelmet What an excellent Pride this year! I had great fun.





@FlickFaster Even if you did get wet a couple of times!

I couldn't help it – did you SEE some of those hot gals there?!

But no sign of Belle End or Tess Tease!

No – so there's only one other place they would have gone ...

To the best fence in all of England - The Handler!

Turn up at his place with loaded sacks and he'll handle the goods!


Later ...

Right – this is where The Handler hangs out. Let's go inside.

Bash, the knob...it's all greasy.

Sorry, but we did just come from Brighton Pride – oh, you mean the door.

The Handler's entrance is covered in some sort of lubricant.

I'm going in!

This whole room is plastered in slippery gunk.

There's only one person I know who leaves this kind of deposit...FLICK, LOOK OUT!

A man barged past me and I slipped on the floor.

You OK?

Yes. I ended up in the splits - first time a guy ever got THESE legs to spread!

As I suspected, it was Brandon Marlo, aka Butterfingers. We last tangled in Paris!




He's going down the fire escape.

I've got just the thing to stop him down my shorts ...

What are you pulling out from there? Oh, a banana.

Let me just pull back the skin ... there. Now, I'd better peel the banana.

Quick, Bash! Butterfingers has reached the pavement. He's running away!

Not for long. I just need to throw ... NOW!

Wow – you are a magnificent tosser! That banana skin has landed right in front of Butterfingers.

As I planned, he slid on the peel and fell to the ground!

Hah! His hands are so slippery, he can't pull himself up! Good thinking, Bash!

...


@BashHelmet Butterfingers took quite a tumble there, Bash. His ankles were up over his ears!

Ahhhh, Paris...

Nice interrogation technique. He was desperate not to tell you the reason he was here!

I just got in his face and kept pushing until he spat it out.

Butterfingers said he heard about Belle and Tess' little caper and decided to chase after the Crown Jewels himself!

Like us, he figured the girls would leave the goods with the Handler. But they hadn't!

No. It seems Butterfingers forced him to open his safe but there was only a forged painting inside.

Some Old Master that he'd just touched up, no doubt.

So where's The Handler now?

He managed to give Butterfingers the slip.

(Sigh) Then we've hit a dead end!

Not quite. There's one man who has eyes and ears all over London. If he's heard there's an interesting package in town, he'll look into it!

You can't mean ... that Victorian villain ... that Dickensian devil ...

Yes – Bedageezer Scrooge! Let's go!